You closed the sidewalk off to pedestrians last night. With a glitter covered safety cone
I feel like every car around me knows I'm driving in my snuggie
Is it bad that now when i read ingredients in the food I eat i only read it as shrooms instead of mushrooms ?
I've never seen anyone write a check for a bar tab before
If I have to take him to the hospital, I'm drawing dicks on his face
hes out at the street wearing a tophat and a monocole and carrying a cane and greeting every car that drives by
he just went across the street and into someones house and we could hear him inviting them over from the front porch
Hahah fuck. I keep looking to make sure that stupid line doesn't show up when my guards are down. Babies can sense fear.
Call me something sexy & ethnic. Like jasmine. But mystical too. Like Mermaid Jasmine. And throw Glitter somewhere in there too.
There's scrapes on the inside of both my thighs.. Because we wanted to get drunk and climb trees naked.
I may or may not already be in your hot tub when you get home. I have a key to your house and no shame.
Well, I saw an Olympian's genitals tonight, so it can't be that bad.
Now that I'm sober, I'm realizing you put your name in my phone as "wowww"
This is me trying to take a picture to send to grandma. At 4. We were trying to look sober.
Just had to break it to that one guy that I can't sleep w him bc he looks identical to my brother. So how's your morning?
Something in me snapped and now I’m just googling famous vegans.
Randomize
