..well, okay, so long as I don't have to wear an apron or vaccum in high heels.
nope just do me i'm drunk and easy to plz
so i just googled the prescription for aldara i saw on your desk this morning...
girl! he was asleep with his back to me.he farted and i actually felt the wind blow across my leg.nice
Fuck 8am classes
Dear Jesus I'm gonna throw up through my eyes
a bus full of elementary school kids may or may not have seen me pissing off my front porch this morning
just puked in a purse in the store. some girl asked if i was gonna buy it now and i laughed and asked her why id want a bag some dude just puked in. her face looked like she saw the devil.
I am scared. I picture you doing a keg stand on a sinking ship with hula girls cheering you on. Please text me when you get back to shore...or now would be good
the fucking easter bunny is here. he just made 3 cups in a row. no one knows who he is..
I tried calming him down but his eyes are rolling to the back of his head and he's yelling "COMA WEED!"
he was definitely TRYING to give me herpes.
I found a picture of me as a little kid with nothing on except a towel covering one of my nipples and I'm glaring at the camera. Literally nothing has changed except I have boobs now
i was so high i thought the horse on my poster was running
My doctor said I can only have one drink at a time, ever, from now on. My life has officially started its decline.
he really is such a sweet guy. it’s a shame i have to break his heart.
Got out of the uber to projectile vomit in the McDonald's drive thru. Gonna take a break from the Cuervo for a while.
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