I wish life was like dora the explorer where dancing pigs appear out of nowhere to solve your problems for you
He has a tattoo of a carebear. This is not happening.
I wish you would always start your sentences with "speaking of my clit..."
I drank myself into bisexuality again.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
At the airport and im So hungover. Think anyone will help if I put a note on me reading "flying to Boston, please wake me as we board" and then passing back out?
Bought two parrots for us. I'm keeping them at the Bellagio.
THE MIME IS MIMING TO BUST A MOVE KARAOKE. ALL MIME-RELATED EVENTS DESERVE CAPS LOCK
Just peed on my foot. Thank you Sunday hangovers.
im the best fifth wheel. all four of them separately bribed me to never speak of what happened last night
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Oh god he's like Julia Roberts in pretty woman... And I'm the one who's gotta make a lady out of him.
Then he claimed me as his prize for 3rd place in a wing eating contest. Too romantic.
I made a bong out of my deodorant today. Did you?
I just matched the dude who's car I rear ended 2 years ago on tinder. I don't think he remembers.
Had to lock my cat in the bathroom so I could masturbate in peace.
He was publicly touching my boobs before I even knew he's a famous World Cup skier.... That's how hot he was
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