It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
If it makes you feel any better I'm plucking my mustahce and drinking. Alone.
what if every blade of grass was a penis?
I noticed when you had too much when you were yelling "HOE-HAVE-A-SEAT" to his cat.
then he asked me if i wanted to "handle his wingman"
i'm having the hardest time convincing my roommates to go dumpster diving for pizza with me. i really miss you..
He said I could liberate his beef and all I could think about was how I don't eat veal for political reasons.
Saved a second guy who was crying/on the verge of wigging out. Just call me the drug whisperer.
I'm just going to have crazy good sex with him until one of us developed feelings that works in the movies right?
Just brought out that old CCM hockey helmet. The one covered in sharpie penises with "DRUNK BUCKET" written across the front. The number of tally marks / initials from tonight's drunk stunts alone is equal parts inspiring and alarming.
When I was sick she came over with Call of Duty, animal crackers and a handjob. Honor says I can't dump her until Easter
Fuck me first. Then we can craft and watch Terminator 2.
Sorry this is the worst night of your life and that you're being a baby about it.
I think getting right with the Lord should involve more than me and a bottle of tequila.
Just told my mom life fisted my asshole. She looked at me with complete understanding. I'm scared...
Randomize
