I like waking up with a slight hangover cause I'm dehydrated and it makes me feel thinner.
I woke up and went to my kitchen naked and decided I wanted a fruit cup. Ate said fruit cup. Look over and notice my male neighbor is staring at me
it wasnt like "sexy" or whatever. like...she was smiling just standing there butt ass naked
tasteful.
Sorry my moustache came off because I was face first in a layered bucket full of jello shots.
Yeah I mean its Vermont, not like id be the first guy to trade pharmaceutical services for beer
Yea, you were talking about how you did not want to be a reindeer for at least 5 minutes.
just go where the car takes you. fingers crossed its here with breakfast.
He is full of southern hospitality and I want to be full of him.
I have never paid for drugs and I'm sure not going to start today especially on a holiday
You give an incredible blow job. I wanted to make sure you know it was appreciated
I just masturbated in the tanning bed stoned. Best decision of my life
I honestly just wanna put my face in her tits and disappear from this plane of existence
I just bought six bottles of the 2 dollar vodka. oh yes there will be blood
So... I sharted on the plane. It was hard to maintain my composure and acted offended at the same time. I hate you for not cutting me off last night.
How did I get home last night?
We put your keys on a lanyard that asked anyone that found you to bring you home. A nice man in a cape, green shorts and a mesh shirt dropped you off this morning.
Oh. Yeah. Riiiggghhht
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