a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
As gay men are we obligated to learn the Single Ladies dance.
I don't even have to turn the heat on in my car. Just fart the whole way home.
She played chubby bunny with our cocks.. She got 4
I wish the inside of the tampon box said "CONGRATULATIONS YOUR NOT A MOTHER!"
Our whole friendship has just been time foreshadowing my dick in your mouth.
I have to date her. We need a place to stay when we go tailgating.
We bonded over blowjobs and stories of our childhoods. It was beautiful.
So your best guy friend eats your pussy once and a while, no big deal. It's like going to jiffy lube once and a while to let the professionals do it. Your husband should understand .
Like please, take your microdick and try to stick it someplace else. It is not welcome in my world.
People try and tell me I never learn me lesson, well that's a bunch of crap. I asked for Monday off for Superbowl recovery based on my experience last year.
It was an all night sausage fest and I was the lady of honor.
He wrote on the bartenders notepad "phone?" So I wrote back "911"
Hey kevin, it's Ashlee. I have been trying to get ahold of you. Your pledge gave me your number. I really wanted to apologize for shitting in your car I'll buy new upholstery or pay to have it shampooed if needed. I'm so embarrassed.
I want you
Nvm, now I want someone who replies to my booty-call texts faster
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