I woke up this morning and was hoping we drank enough last night to have a unicorn drawn on my wrist. Good News: We did.
I can only name 15 people I've had sex with - can I just start claiming that as my sex number?
Realized I'm still to drunk to comprehend work emails. Marked them all as unread. Here's to responsible hang overs.
Found out why they call her Halfpipe Jenny-NOT the cool reason we thought
Quick question: how long can sperm live in a rug?
Do you have any pictures of me mounting animals that aren't on Facebook?
Surveying the reception hall and I'm fearing the worst possible thing that could ever happen...this might be a dry wedding.
.,.,you might have to leave
All I know is I drank too much, danced too little.. yet somehow woke up on the floor in the arms of some cowboy.
I learned a very valuable lesson tonight...don't touch a cops tazer
We work out, have really intense sex, and then eat cereal marketed for children. We have a system, okay?
We had sex in his hot tub. Then we saved a mouse that almost drown in his pool. We celebrated our heroism with more sex.
Okay so the couple who keep propositioning people for threeways are def siblings not bf/gf
So are you gonna do it or no you said they're hot
Makes hanging out interesting when she lights you on fire just to roll ontop of you to 'put you out'.
Keep your fingers crossed. If I get to go to a Stanley Cup game I'll give you the blowjob he deserves for taking me. Because hes definitely not gettin it.
My husband found the cock ring I bought my FWB. I told him it was napkin holder and he believed me. And that’s why I need a side dick
Randomize
