he's chasing his jose cuervo with hot tub water
Lady with a stroller in a bar. Think she's out of my league?
just smoked a bowl with my history teacher. i love community college
just had a dream there were parent teacher conferences in college...scariest dream ever.
After she came with my hands around her neck, she sat there for a minute and gave me the scuba diving sign for a-ok.
Drinking wine in my childhood bed getting ready to go to sleep in order to wake up for my menial temp job. Thanks, college degree, I can handle the real world.
Dontating $10 to the Red Cross relief effort in Japan for every car bomb I take tomorrow. Yes, buying me a drink just became a good cause.
Well, I made it thru a doorway, so I think things are going good.
Anddon't worry about me I have my Darth Vader flashlight
Pornhub is still operational. Therefore, the world has NOT come to an end in the blizzard!
It's a lube slip n slide down the hallway now. Details later.
when I type Christina's, my phone's predictive text assumes my next word is boobage
I wanna be like, dude, I peed your bed. Like you laid in my pee. And we're not dating. You can find another fuck buddy who I'm sure won't piss on you.
I feel like your personal Bdsm barbie...
Just found a note on the bed that said "Dear mittens, had to leave early I'll be back soon."
WTF? Are you mittens?
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