I just walked through a room full of deaf people and farted i love deaf people
I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
craigslist faux pas number 857, just got head in a disability bus.
i don't even specifically remember last night, it's just one big wonderful lesbianic blur.
Hide in the closet. if you hear me yell patato salad come out swinging.
It's like a harem of immaturity and bad ideas...and that's coming from me
The zombie version of you bit my friend's hand. No more zombie crawl for you. Not ever.
HELP! I GOT DRUNK IN THE LIVING ROOM AND CANT GET UP UPSTAIRS
So I have been told that I licked your eyebrows last night
My heart says buy the granny panties, but my vagina says don't throw in the towel yet.
You ghosted you're own booty call. Wow what a sad sad man.
Just letting you know that I just spent 11 dollars on a car wash... Because you had sex in my car.
Drunk me says 72 hours of Mexican Viagra and room service.Sober me says we stopped being lovers for a reason after the last lost weekend.
All I remember is your girlfriend laying on the bathroom floor and me crawling in and asking if it was okay to puke.
condom fairy costume came in handy...we were making out in my living room and he wanted it so i took a condom off the costume and we did it right there...with my tutu still on....
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