eating mexican with the mother in law. this meal made her decide to tell us about her colon cleansing diet
I don't think I have ever been told that I am "probably too drunk to pet the stingrays" by a cop before.
Just suggested things for my dad to get my mom for Christmas in terms of "yeah you'll get laid."
Just remembered I hit myself in the face with a bottle then did the nose test and decided I was still good. Don't think anyone noticed.
Of all the shitty people we associated with, you should be happy that I'm the one fucking your cousin. Sorry.
i cannot be the only guy who has bought the every day with rachael ray magazine for use as porn
I CAME HOME WITH MY NIPPLES PEIRCED! WE WERE CAMPING. IN THE MOUNTIANS. I DONT EVEN REMEMBER IT AT ALL.
Yepp, I had to be the one to explain that the girl who was slapping people in the face with a dildo was my drunk girlfriend.
Oh aight, and i was just going to be content with drinking, beating off and watching ninja turtles
Get you some cowboy.
In that sentence you are the cowboy. That is not saying you should get a cowboy for yourself.
Debating whether the Plan B I had this morning would go under breakfast or lunch in my food log.
I'm so jealous of your sex life. You know it's awesome when thinking about the sex you had last night brings you tears of joy.
But like, I don't remember getting hit with the door... I just come out from peeing and there was blood running down my face.
He's really cute...He stopped talking to me because i pulled my skirt up and peed in a demi plie position...
just went home with a guy that made fun of me in elementary school. this blow job is not going well for him.
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