Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
i saw his dick when we were four, so thats kind of ruined for me now
I convinced a girl to do a shot of salsa someone fell through the whole on the porch and Sara swallowed a beer tab
There's a Sam Adams brew house. How were we not supposed to go
She was mid-sentence and then BOOM the hammock broke off the tree. I about pissed myself. Hot Sprite and Vodka make the world go round.
this dude just showed up to the party with a falcon
I found a half composed text to you this morning and all it said was HELP M. Is that how I ended up at the bottom of the stairwell in only a tee-shirt and one heel?
considering I never received the text I would go with 'yes'.
I remeber being on the roof last night and we put our heads togeather and we touched each others face and said "Hennessyyyy"
I have lots of feelings today, but drunk is my favorite.
just for future reference, lake water is NOT mix for hard stuff. nor is it an adequate substitute.
what better way to celebrate the birth of jesus christ than to get embarrassingly intoxicated and make poor decisions!?
"I feel morally obligated to vote for him since he's my drug dealers dad"
All of my friends are talking about changing their lives because they have an alcohol addiction and I'm over here reminding my boss that it's national beer day.
If he refers to me as slump buster one more fucking time.
Ok, there are marshmallows shaped like elephants
Randomize
