You can tell alot about a person by their poo.. For example, he was a smoker.
i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
No, seriously, 1.5 gallons of sangria plus two days of untapped cock. Waiting here. For you.
I've created a drink called, "watching the sound of music with grandma." its straight vodka
I had a dream that we erected a stage in our living room for "impromptu performances" how can we make this a reality?
After your mom took her 12th and fatal tequila shot she proceeded to fall head first into the bonfire... Guess I don't have to fear getting old after all
Kinda sad when you get home on a Sunday morning and the paper guy HAND DELIVERS the newspaper to you...,
I'm hoping that by this time next year we will be smoking some weed at a gay wedding, asking "Mitt who?"
Just ate a gummy bear I found in my sheets. So yeah, 2013 is SO gonna be my year.
He is dating a girl who is on the Olympic shooting team...I've never been so scared to hit on a guy with a girlfriend in my entire life.
drinking right out of the bottle and nobody bats an eye.
its good to be home.
He wanted me to come over on Christmas...inviting your fuck buddy over for the holidays is just something you don't do.
Hmm, peanut butter and Xanax. Next Ben and Jerry's flavor.
he was wearing a pyjama shirt under a dress shirt under a hoodie under a robe under a rain poncho the man was prepared for anything
I have had my dick inside of entirely too many people at this wedding in order for me to be the groom. Please give me a swift kick in the dick to wake me up from this nightmare
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