I've only been here for an hour and I've already made 6 babies cry.
Happy Birthday
remember last year when i left for the bar in flip flops and came back in heels?
it happened again.
His dick was poking my bladder. That big...
At this point do you think buying mom a pot plant would be funny or highly inappropriate?
She told me she was going to ride me so hard i would cum the ghosts of my ancestors...its gonna be a good time
I'm handcuffed to your bathroom sink. Save me.
He used the expression "my couch is your couch" as a come on line.
He's telling everyone that the only reason he's at this party is to hook up with me. SOS HELP.
Well I think I made it pretty obvious I wasn't in to it. I was drinking a beer while he was going down in me
so I definitely just chased tequila shots with a biscuit covered in sausage gravy
Thats fucking manlier than riding a bear into battle
I feel like Captain Morgan shit all over my hopes and dreams last night...
holy shit I just remembered that story I told about Tom hanks going bowling while high.
I'm about to play another round of who's panties are in my car.
We will just distract him with tacos and porn.
If I lock her out of the apartment right now would the neighbors have grounds to sue?
Randomize
