He sat on a barstool and did the robot for 3 hours - I'm pretty sure he enjoyed himself.
I have to collect my sorority sisters from greek row... I hate how being dd is a night and morning job
as he left, i held up my fist and said "pound it out" and he was like "are you serious, we just had sex..."
I'm voting my liver organ of the month. The award ceremony is next weekend.
figured you should hear this from me. Your refrigerator door is way broken. I opened it last night when i was drunk and tried to climb the shelves. i got to the one with the mustard.
Made a vodka juice box out of a ziploc bag and a straw for when I drive. Doesn't count as an open beverage container anymore.
I'm on my "fiiiiirrrst" glass of wine- the quotes mean it's the last of the bottle- so I really need you to pick up your phone so we can talk about this
I wish the sun would stop judging me for being drunk while it's still shining.
My roommate has gone Christmas crazy. It looks like Jack Frost came all over my living room. Wanna come fuck me in the fake snow by the fireplace?
I should start wearing my Batman shirt more often when I drink. Good things happen. All sorts of shit.
Just got a 200 dollar safe, two jars, and a 500 pack of rubber bands.. This doesn't SCREAM drug dealer does it?
...you should fill the cart some more
Oh great. I guess I'm second on that list now that we've confirmed she's not a lesbian AND that was her sister.
And it's settled. 10 months is the appropriate amount of time before having the dick pic discussion.
Maybe the "i killed someone" and "tequila makes my clothes come off" comments freaked him out.
for future reference, singing eye of the tiger outside my door while i am having sex makes me incredibly uncomfortable
apparently not uncomfortable enough for you to stop
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