she's walking around the room telling people she can make the room move with her mind and then she shakes her head really fast yelling 'see?!'
You just kept yelling "SATAN!" at me every time I walked by
I need a booty call who doesn't know my boyfriend or my friends.
New plan: we get a little bit drunk and go to 24 hour fitness and be eachothers wing people so we can hit on in shape hot people at a gym instead of drunk idiots at a bar.
i dont care if i had to wear a dress to fuck her, she was super hot and i stand by my decision
I told him we couldn't hang out because I had strep, he said he's had it once so he couldn't get it again. The sex isn't worth this level of stupidity
We need to re-create the Get Some Ass Tour 2002.
Um, 2 out of 3 people involved with that particular event are now married, so I don't think that will be happening.
HELLO, they're MARRIED! They need to get some ass more than anyone.
I AM THERE IN SPIRIT, TICKLING YOUR BALLS
Guess who figured out you can fit an entire bottle of champagne in a big Subway cup. Open container laws my ass.
No no no he wouldn't talk to me before I showed his best friend how good I am at twerking
I'm wearing fairy wings and I broke my wizard staff. If this isn't the most happy but sad moment of my life , I don't know what is.
I just got a lap dance from a sexy cop in return for giving him his sunglasses back. I think this is going to be the beginning of a really great friendship
There is nothing worse than the batteries of your vibrator dying on valentines day
Got wasted in a little tiki hut by the beach yesterday. Woke up with a coconut and half of a mushroom burger in my purse. I also have a picture of our Romanian bartender's fingernails on my phone lol
Why do you always wake up with meat in your purse?
This is a life or shit situation. Grab me toilet paper asap. This bathroom is fucking out. This is not a test. This an actual emergency and I am not joking.
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