This cookie i'm eating tastes like pizza. It was so worth contacting my sister for pot.
Thursdays are my worst days
but now we sippin champagne when we thirstay?
he fingered my asshole thinking it was my vag...I couldn't bring myself to tell him, mostly from shame for me and pity for him
Having sex with her was like reading the Wall Street Journal.
he stopped mid-fuck to ask me how my day was....
Some guy said that sham wows were the same as regular shammys. needless to say you had to be restrained. you kept trying to 'slap chop' him.
I fucked her to her "thinking of him" playlist. Sucks to be that guy haha
boy from dating site added me on facebook. i don't know if i'm ready for him to see what a drunk i am.
oh and if she happens to say anything about a cantalope and tissues... just go with it
3 things. 1. is this real life 2. my liver hates me 3. keg race tonight
Just a heads up, i'm sleeping in te back seat of your car so don't be freaked out when you see me in the A.M.
there's a drunk hobo under the bridge wearing a jester hat and screaming at women
Drugs are gluten free tho, right?
So when's a good time this week to show up at your apartment in nothing but a trench coat and a bow? Y'know. Hypothetically.
I'm going to start talking to Bill again, he has friends with boats which means we'll get to go on boats.
Randomize
