I think i peed on brittanys purse
she handed me her phone while she blew me and told me to text her bf that she was at the store
He insisted on sleeping in my bed. Had he taken all of my obvious hints I would have sucked his dick. He only wanted to snuggle. My world has been turned upside down.
Exactly how does jacking off in my purse count as a 'early christmas present'?
I told the girl who was peeing in the garbage can she must have had a lot of upper body strength.
THEY'RE. IN. YOUR. BED. THEY RANDOMLY SHOW UP. AND GET IN YOUR BED.
Hey, I didn't ask that stripper to put her unds in my mouth, it was just covered by the plus package fee I ordered.
i just wanna get shit faced and pass out in some random holly bush with a bucket on my head and stockings for shoes.
The sign say "Kereoke" strip bar. 5 more beers and ill be ready to rumble.
I just tried on my "outfit" for tonight and I should just wear sweatpants and a sign on my face that says I like it in the ass. That would be more comfortable
she just stared at nothing and then looked at me and goes, "that's a weird place to put the wall"
You grabbed the hot guy that was making out with his girlfriend all night, slurred "I need to borrow this" then shoved your hand down his pants. All because you thought your ex walked into the bar. It was majestic in its shitshowness.
I know it was your bday but bringing a airhorn and blowing it yelling "buy me a fucking shot" in the bartenders face was a little uncalled for
You know, I think when I have a lot of free time, thats when I pick up odd lovers. Maybe keeping busy is key to not using my vagina
did i just see you in the movie theater carrying a margarita into Frozen?
All the 6 year olds are jealous of my alcohol
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