Dude, I was completely sober last night, didn't puke on my shoes, went home with an incredibly beautiful girl, wore a condom, and didn't wake up in a puddle of urine this morning.
hah, sarcasm, classic
You and your empty threats of no sex. Like.u.cud.hold.out.
Is making out on a toilet while he is sitting down and pissing weird? cause that's what happened last night
i just saw a guy carrying a medieval times commemerative glass filled with vomit.. there were 2 people cheering him from behind
Apparently 151 is to me what spinach is to popeye.
it's great music for shaving your balls
well as my mentor always said, "Don't antagonize the man whose penis gives you multiple orgasms."
If I die I am blaming you for not answering to tell me the proper dosage of horse tranquilizers to take
While looking for socks, I found my mothers sex toy box. Dear god I finally understand where my kinkiness comes from.
They were so big her bra clasped in the front. Didn't even know those existed.
I just tried to make cleaning gasoline off your shoes with toilet paper in the Chemistry Building bathroom look normal. I failed.
From one hot mess to another... Get it together.
Can we just cry and dive into a couch-sized bag of sadness-chips, dip them in a la-z-boy sized jar of depression salsa while watching a show called 'Forget Your Hopes and Dreams, Just Kill Yourself'?
so getting blacked out last night has made my lips so beautifully red for pictures today... and they say nothing good comes from alcohol
High-fiving last weekend's hook up in passing on the way to class has given me quite the lady boner.