I woke up this morning with I hate myself feeling
been sitting in chapter for 25 minutes. drinking last night's franzia out of a XXX vitamin water 10 bottle. recruitment chair has no idea. life is good.
can't remember last night but the beers were $3.50, so i can count how many I had by counting my quarters
i can afford to take several trips up and down the parkway right now if I wasn't still hanging over my toilet
New policy: when a woman uses the word blowjob in a sentence within 5 minutes of meeting her, you buy her a drink.
31 Times Kim Kardashian Showed Her Love For Balmain
i'm sober ask me anything about the civil war
come to Starbucks. I'm the fat girl eating a whole pizza sitting on the ground
got delayed, meet you at the bar soon, found a shopping cart, i am now getting pushed to the bar by some guy that was peeing in the alley i found the cart in
Had to crawl to the kitchen this morning cuz I was too hung over but really wanted fruity pebbles. yes. I ate fruity pebbles on the kitchen floor.
You wouldn't be the first friend to shit himself in the last 7 days
19 Tricks To Help You Join The Mile High Club
I got blood in my smoothie but it still tastes ok. Fuck glenfiddich.
Somehow I've got the party rigged to where I get a foot massage every time someone wants a beer out of the fridge. Hellz yeah
Guess who just got a Christian Beliefs class to seriously discuss the spiritual implications of dolphin rape?
I warned you. Don't come crying to me when your vagina refuses to forgive you for this.
Do you think it's wrong for me to hop on that dick before he realizes that he's gay?
He plays guitar, sings like an angel, and acts like a gentleman. If I don't fuck him by the end of first semester, I'm dropping out