At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
I'm playing the Jersey Shore drinking game by myself at my mom's house. Things like this are not okay after college.
I closed that bar. Sang every Beatles song in the book. Made Somoan friends.
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I just want you to know that if I ever had to fight man eating flowers or flying turtles to save my friends they'd be fucked. No one's worth all that bullshit. PS I really need to stop playing Wii while drunk.
i seriously have like 9 pictures of people taking shots out of a vag on my camera....
Home safe. Psyche shattered. Still rolling. In love with the morrocan rug in the living room.
Just drove past the dude that came in your sock
I don't want to hear about you making out with a high schooler. I just had the best sex of my life. My face and arms went numb in the middle of it.
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she fascinated with the iron the back of the toilet seat. she made me sit in the bathroom with her for a solid 10 minutes while she just stared and laughed at it
btw you left your chapstick on the nightstand and bruises on my body...
gifts from me to you. you're welcome.
new district manager is here. you need to come in early
5th mimosa says otherwise
She made sure everyone knew we were doing shots for her dead grandma.
Side note, i did some manscaping and now my farts sound way different
Remember how I have such good luck that it's almost bullshit?
I'm afraid to ask, but go on.