guys are only as good as the porn they watch
She definitely looked like a troll, but I had take one for the team. Or at least thats what I keep telling myself
you were fixing your hair in the bathroom mirror and then fell backwards through the locked stall while she was in mid pee and fell on her lap.
I swear, its like my old fuck buddies have a 6th sense for when I'm going to be daydrunk. Then they start texting me. And then I start sexting them
Satisfying Perfect Camera Moments
Well I could just do a roadtrip and hit them all. Slut tour 2012.
You tired to make us "vodka tacos". Which was just you dipping pitas in vodka.
Well. FUCK YA. But that's beside the point
A blind man just put his face in my cleavage. I'm also crying.
In my dream, you became a famous tap-dancer. Congratulations.
is there a way to say "yea i broke my wrist cause i fell down some stairs while tripping my face off on acid" without actually saying it?
This Dog Travel Carrier is a Must
Let's go. I'm waiting for my time to shine among the stars of never never land. Make sure you bring my Peter Pan costume this time. Shit's bout to get real glittery.
Same I threw up in 3 different cities already today
One minute we were ordering sandwhiches. The next hes peeing in a trash can yelling at kids about how tv made him this way
I'm watching Netflix with my cats and eating homemade bread. Everyone and everything can go and fuck itself.
You do realize he's just an extension of his penis, right?
My weirdest encounter with a stranger though was when for some reason they just gave me a box of unopened socks. Needless to say, I never used them.