Sketchest drug deal yet.... I just got paid in quarters and chucky chesse tokens. I need to stop hooking my friends up.
if tampons were more like dildos the world would be a better place
Legitimately semi-blackout across the table from the governor off a chardonnay i can't even pronounce.
his dick makes me think maybe a monogamous relationship forever is possible.
sold 4 oz of weed today pantsless. man i love college.
I'm just pissed at the whore who takes over my body when I'm blacked out.
I just heard your voicemail. Glad you like my dick and think I'm cool
did you just send me my own nude
Uh do you have my pants because I have yours
Not gonna lie, Wednesday was the perfect day to get laid off, all I've done since is watch the Simpsons marathon
Nothing says "I'm sorry for shitting in your bed" like an Olive Garden gift card
He asked me if I've ever had my ass ate and there was no polite way to say yeah your brother's pretty in to that 😂 I went with "no"
you never know when your going to find a surprise from me in your bed...it keeps you on your toes.
One lesson I've learned so far from college: You've always got time for one more shot. Always
anything below 65° is too cold to be naked on a roof
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