we went to that german restaurant and drank out of the boots. Then I threw up into one
Just got mistaken for a cardboard cutout ad in line at Taco Bell. New low?
I've spent too much of my life staring at my bberry and counting to 5 to see if it blinks
This girl I work with, who is 18 btw, invited me to her baby shower. Do they sell abortions in gift certificate form?
shut up. I wear heels bigger than your dick
my cabbie only has one arm...this can't be safe
He just got home drunk. He ate 5 snack cakes, said Little Debbie's his bitch, went upstairs and fell asleep.
i have at this current moment imbibed enough alcohol to float immerse or otherwise submerge a goat of respectable size. tequila
Every bar we ever go to has a woman there who hates him. Getting so much vagina has never seemed so not glorious
I was woken up in my old house by the new residents ... I don't even have a Key anymore
He was "hot guy in the dark". One of us had to sleep with him. I took the bullet you're welcome.
Fucking shoot me with this y'all shit. You were in Texas for 2months you do not have an accent Madonna
its like my accent is a device for a 100% chance of sex every time i leave the apartment. i love being english in this country.
I was so drunk I got motion sickness from sex.
She's got a shotglass necklace, running down the street asking people to "fill her up". Get here.
Randomize
