I'm not conventionally pretty...I'm just crazy
I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
Sweater Vest, Chin Strap, Beard, sporting a white Beret- Please don't ever let me be THAT guy.
im at planned parenthood. the form wants to know what our usual form of contraception is?
anal.
Nothing like a little anal leakage to start off Sunday morning. Can't decide if that speaks well of my weekend or not...
now that we've slept with the entire soccer team i think its time to expand the horizon.
My lips are sealed. Both pairs.
I'm two guys short from fucking the whole baseball team and one is gay. I will be successful by the end of this month.
You know it's nice having a girlfriend who will lotion your balls for you
After hearing her fall down in the shower for the third time, I decided to go check on her.
They should just send me home - I'm literally doing nothing but watching porn and listening to pandora.
Apparently he got pepper spray on his dick. So he's a literal fire crotch.
MILK DIDN'T HELP. IT'S NOT HELPING
Fucking adderall I just talked at the security guard for 90 minutes
he made me cum so hard i had an asthma attack
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