He seems like he has feelings, which is completely unacceptable; esp for a boy in college.
Thanks for making me watch you dance provacatively by yourself in the bathroom so you could see if you looked fat.
she read insantiy as in-nast-tit-ty and asked what the hell does that mean...
i knew i liked her after she chugged tequila, fell down the stairs and said "oh dont worry i knew it'd be faster this way"
And then she proceeded to fling her bra around while screaming the rocket power theme song, still managing to not fall off the skateboard
cell reception changed and I can no longer text you from the toilet... that means I'll be texting you less often, just fyi
Just checked my phone. Sometime last night I googled sex positions in a tent. Was there even a tent there?
I dislocated my rib eating pizza. I think I am broken.
Last night after the bar I went home and ate a pulled pork sandwich in a bubble bath
I've reached the point in my life where I desire cats more than men
He told me my outfit made me look like a twelve year old then proceeded with "but you don't look like a whore"
Peanut butter and whiskey is not a dinner
Yeah bc that's when u should take a Molly. At a house party with everyone from ur hometown
I don't know who he was but he was covered up with a shower curtain and ate a whole bottle of tums
I can't be held responsible for what I do for you after a blowjob like that.
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