im at that stage where all she has to do is cough or something and it pisses me off
Just saw a guy doing jumping jacks at the gym. I don't even have to create a punch line for that
I can't get a boner in the bathroom of a buffet.
Interesting preview of what next year will be like. Side note, missing a chunk of flesh from my middle finger.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
When he left he said something to the effect of "well now that I've been used..." I think he may be on to me.
Some guy in lab is humming along to a Sara Barrilles song. Or maybe I'm just hearing the song echoing in his huge, gaping vagina.
Were you rubbing your penis on me while I slept? I smell like penis.
I beat my mom's friend's boyfriend in a vodka chugging competition. Our generation FTW.
Not to mention I think lunch is a little inappropriate when our relationship is only based on Mario kart and alcohol so far...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Build a thousand brigdes, lick one butthole. What am I remembered for? Buttholelicking.
Being a fine ass woman in a world full of fuckboys is the realest struggle I've ever known.
I fell asleep completely naked, standing up with my arms and head in the freezer
I planned out my poor life choices for the weekend.
I heard you ran into my sister lastnight. Do you remember making out with her and slapping my uncle?
Facebook just reminded me of the time I found two IHop cheese sticks in my hand bag. Those were the days.
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