what are you wearing?
Just my guilt
Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
Whatever, you were 10 deep and there was a hot tub. No judgment.
on of the only things i remember was the security guard told me i was too drunk for laser tag.
third eye blind makes so much more sense now that i have a drug problem
Paying 5 grand for boobs is saving me like 10 grand in weed
Please root for the ravens. I now have oral sex riding on this and it's been sooooo long
Don't know why you're always hating on relationships. I've had chocolate pancakes accompanied by a blowjob and a blunt and it's not even 9 am. Time for mid morning shower sex. Enjoy your morning bong bowl alone asshole
This is what you sent me from the other side of the pool, "Idk but thers a pool n l wanna get naked take off my trunks ill paddle with my dick"
Spent 20mins wondering why my roommate wouldn't answer after we were pounding on the door.....Def went to the wrong building.
Seriously??? You send me boob shots with your husband and kids in them???
Yes. I will keep putting the beer into my stomach and eventually the bartender will make a mistake
is it too soon to tell him I'm available anytime for Christmas themed pity sex and I'll even wear a Santa hat?
I guess I was running around slapping people in the face with a slice of turkey telling them that the only way to beat alcohol addiction is to go cold turkey.
It's not christmas until we're acting sober in front of grandma
Randomize
