i'm not a human right now. not even a dancer.
using no condom is gross. my vagina has a dress code.
Yea went to the bars and he called me 2 hours later with random people saying he is at a place that i don't think exists
vodka and carrot juice, if im gonna drink i at least got my 8 servings of vegetable
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My STD test came back clean. I'd like to thank all the guys I've slept with, they made this possible. I want to say thanks to all my friends, for believing in me living up to the full slut potential. And last but not least, I'd like to thank alcohol. I wouldn't be who I am today w/out you. I feel like I need to frame this...
apparently I kept yelling at her that I wanted t-Rex sized lines. awesome
She's hidden vodka up her skirt and is riding a parking meter. Things can only get better
She is larger then a hippo. You could cut her open in the middle of a blizzard and crawl in like Luke skywalker. Throw a couch and a tv in there and you're set
My bed smells like stale sex...I want it to smell like fresh sex, I miss you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How on earth did you break your wrist?
I went into someone's yard so I could pee and I found a tireswing
i got to hold a baby today and i loved it and i want a baby but actually i'm going to make an appointment to get birth control now.
The entire state will know me by my boobs.
Is it wrong that I get drunk and let him eat me out then fall asleep? He offers me so much and yet I do nothing. I feel like a republican.
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
Randomize