K, im just throwing this out there, i am not making out with any of his friends... Especially the cross eyed one.
he said he didn't have a condom.
and you said?
that that's fine cause i was ready to be a mom. yeah - he magically had a condom he forgot about after that.
oh great. kentucky is ranked #1 in the country for child abuse. go us.
Alcoholism comes in two forms... Us.
his grandma walked in on us. twice. and he was truly fucking surprised when i put my pants back on.
A guy wearing a hard hat while floating the river. It's the most responsible drinking we saw all day.
We sat in his closet and drank four loko out of my camelbak for an hour in the dark. You tell me how my night went.
I mean...he was throwing up for almost 3 consecutive hours. I don't think there's a chance in hell that would have tasted even close to tolerable.
And I might have stolen a bag of Doritos out of Matt's car and hid them in my bag and gave individual chips out to people dancing, trying to convince people they were mini tacos.. Like why Am I allowed to be an adult
I thought 5 times was beyond my capabilities but her tongue was like a penis defibrillator. Clear!
Rule 1: If any of us dies on a trip, the other two have to 'Weekend at Bernies' the shit outta that corpse...
She just started crying. With my dick still inside her. Something about her grandpa.
I literally heard an 'oh my god' when the shirtless Tongan appeared.
Dude, I need a fuckin wingman and this could finally make us eskimo brothers, how can you pass that up?
Why is the turtle in the toilet again?
Well as I was puking in the tub I put him in there to keep me company but I am almost positive the original setup was him in the tub and me next to the toilet...I hope he likes tequila
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