life lesson learned today: sleeping pills and laxatives don't mix.
feel weird hangin out with you now that i've eaten your sister out
she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
I only knew it was midnight because i got happy new years texts while i puked outside
you're wrong. we DID have sex last night. just ask your roommate. you seriously don't remember him asking to join us?
No one will ever love me with the amount of puke on my hand
I'm going to a foam party and gonna grind someones dick off hayy
Do you ever wonder what the men who we shamelessly objectify would think if they saw our texts in regard to them?
And then my hands went numb and no one believed me so I started putting peoples cigarettes out on them. Shitty idea i'll tell you that much
Like 50% of me thinks it'll be weird, 25% of me is curious & 25% of me is horny
call me with an emergency in 5 min. This chick has a strap on hangin behind the bathroom door.
you know you're in deep when you watch fear and loathing in las vegas and every damn scene is relatable.
I drove them away with my sparkling personality and LOTR references.
I've got a surprise in the fridge when you get back.
Is it a puppy?
Just puked. First it was bright neon blue then it turned to bright lime green. How does that even happen? And wtf was I drinkin last night?
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