Definitely locked eyes with the stripper who gave me a lapdance last night as she walked by me and into the Ann Taylor Loft in Times Square.
I have decided that a Nickelback cover band would be the pinnacle of loserdom.
he bonged a 1/5 of jack and came back an hour later blacked out with a legitimate chicago firemans helmet
i forgot beer had calories. that would explain alot.
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ALTON JUST DID GRAVY SHOTS. THIS IS WHY HE'S MY HERO
He apologized for his naked psychotic episode and then we had goodbye sex on his sailboat
The moral of the story is do not hire me because everything will end up smelling like pickles and I will not sufficiently clean it up.
Is "incoherent" a legit goal to strive for tonight? Or should I stay sober enough to fuck who I can?
I gave the naked guy in the hotel a pop tart. He stopped crying.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That man gives me hope. I can't help it. And by "hope" I mean "wood."
I'm playing a lilo and stitch drinking game
Aloha alcoholism.
I'm just imagining Oprah like "you're popping a boner, and you're popping a boner...EVERYONE IS POPPING A BONER"
I realize my mistake but don't you dare school me in cock, young man
I think the God that I only kind of believe in, definitely hates me.
You took acid last night and I’m up early to go to the grand opening of a new TJMaxx by my house. We couldn’t be more perfect.
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