At the Phils game. My gay buddy just wanted up to a bunch of Mets fans and said "I'm gay, and even I think Mets fans are a bunch of fags." I love this fuckin town.
he doesn't have near as many excuses as you..and his are usually pretty legit. like "i'm having a baby." that's pretty legit.
a cemetary is a place for people to rest in peace and you just spermed all over their land
Don't ask how, but I'm pretty sure my name is now on a lease to a taco bell franchise in maryland...
rolled over to window for cup of snow instead of leaving bed for water. that's how hungover
Made it home ok. Only got hit by one car.
Hey, if I'm gonna bastard a child and ruin his life, I'm going balls out.
I'm texting you the word "cockring" because I feel it hasn't been said enough throughout our friendship.
Trying to figure out if the guy I'm with right now is the same guy I met spring break
Oh duude it is the guy from spring break! Awk.
If you fall asleep, my vagina and I will never forgive you.
Self reach around competition is what the Olympics has been missing all along. A true test of athleticism.
You really need to not quote Anchorman while I'm giving you a serious blowjob.
Is someone on their way here yet? I'm way too tweaked to be here alone
how do you tell someone, in the most complimentary way possible, that they would make an excellent stripper?
Drinking is such a hassle. I wish I could just press a button and be drunk.
Randomize
