My sis friend said it was fake then described it as "scary"...greatest adj ever applied to my dick
im like that movie w. ryan reynolds, no ones ever going to date me unless they're forced to marry me.
this party is like a fast-foward into the future when im 40 and married with children
No, I was feeling sad because all of the other girls were like model-skinny. But then I remembered that I had big boobs and went to hit on their boyfriends.
I don't know what happened to get you in this mentality. This time last year your were ass up on a hotel bathroom counter getting licked by a stranger.
I've eaten cheese dip for three consecutive meals. I think I need to branch out.
I ended up on the roof were calling it a tie
juast therw a cheeeeesestirng over the fnce. stuckit to sombodys car winheild... gonna luagh if i find it mlted in the mrning.
this mall makes me feel like I just rolled a 9 in jumanji and got the stampede card
We stopped midfuck cuz a guy was walking his dog. Who the fuck walks their dog in the dorm parking structure at 3am!?
Hot freshmen.....hot freshmen chicks everywhere
You say this every welcome week, bro.
I'm just going to lay in a blanket cocoon of self pity for the next few months.
If I had a dollar for every straight boy that questioned their sexuality because of me, I would live a comfortable middle-class life.
Mom has wine in a to go cup. It's that kind of night.
Why does my nose taste spicy?
How do you know what your nose tastes like?
Randomize
