HELP! I am trapped in a douchebag ad... full of Affliction and Ed Hardy. Seriously? is he gonna leave his sunglasses on the entire 10 seconds of this encounter?
We had to use the stains on Phil's shirt to try to piece together what happened last night.
this girl is having heart failure because she lost her feather...a gypsy blessed it in turkey. Not sure im high enough for this
If the blowjob was before the wedding, we're not technically related, right?
listening to the two girls in the next stall finish a 40 and laugh at this guy they both fucked. they're calling him 'tulip dick'.
some asshole was waslkibg around with ab electric razor and shaving parts of peoples heads.
The cop used the word "belligerent" 16 times in the report. You get to bail him this time. I'm not up for it.
It just wouldn't be valentines day if i didn't invite 90% of the guys i've slept with to go to the strip club with me
Its like bringing all that milkshake to the yard and I'm a diabetic and can't have any
I'm stoned as hell watching the new Star Trek movie. My life is 110% better than it was an hour ago.
What eyeshadow color says "yes I am at the dentist, and yes I am hungover please don't judge my life choices"
it wasnt that bad
you tried to climb into my fireplace while screaming TO DIAGON ALLEY! we didnt even watch harry potter. it was bad
Last thing I remember at your house last night is your dad leaning on the beer pong table and saying "you guys can fucking party"
There's something about a foam party that makes freshman want to turn their lives into full blown shit shows. And I'm ok with the fact I am one of those.
Everything is scary i hate being an adult i hate responsibility tell me a dick joke
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