I've decided that I only have enough money to either eat or drink over the next month. I'm sure you know what choice I've made.
For a day that started with shitting my pants, things turned out fairly well.
I have to verbally tell you. He looks good on paper...but he totally fails in person. Like communism.
I just realized my mom and I make the same noises when we have sex. Fuck.
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We had sex in the tent after his 6th beer and while we were at it we had conversations with the people outside the tent.
Holy fuck, spaghetti burritos are the best idea I've ever had.
Night. I'll wake u up at 6 with the unfinnished vodka bottle so be prepared young grasshoper. U have much to learn.
I feel like I got hit by a bus. A head on collision with my vag.
NOT EVEN KIDDING RIGHT NOW. THE GUY IN THE SPIDERMAN COSTUME JUST FELL OFF THE ROOF INTO A BABY POOL. GET HERE NOW!!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Are you wearing clothes?
Fuck no, who do you think I am
So I'll be starting a scrapbook from all the mugshots of the guys I've slept with
I'm glad we can *facepalm* it together over the married couple we fucked separately.
There's hope in those eyes, for a better tomorrow or more cocaine, we may never know, but there's hope.
Found her grinding on my boss with her tongue down her throat last night. Guess who just got promoted!
Crazy homeless man drinking beer out of a vitamin water container on the bus just set me up on a date with the yuppie next to him
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