I am not deleting the internet history anymore, now I am going for shock value.
my facebook is like a giant collection of my one night stands
He's basically like a fancy dildo that buys me dinner.
The birthday girl is bringing her own barf bucket, it is going to be a good weekend.
I was wondering, is there any way to hook up a lawn hose to a keg?
The drag queen we did coke with is going to be on Ru Paul's drag race. I feel so proud.
LISTEN TO ME! GAY. FIREFIGHTER. They are the most rare and precious kind of gay. The kind little gays dream of. It needs to happen.
he told me "apparently my gag reflex doesn't work so if you magically grew a penis I would deep throat you"
I told two kids in their homecoming outfits to use a condom because of Ebola. I may have saved a life last night
There they were doing the deed on the beach, looked like two seagulls fighting over a chicken bone.
There's no sexy way to moan the name Ernest. Or Ernie. This relationship is fucked
When he said he lived in a closet I thought he meant his room was really small or something... But he actually has a queen size mattress on the floor of his roomates walk-in closet.
I kept screaming that he looked like Khal Drogo and rode around the bar on his back.
When we became besties with benefits we agreed I could still get dick
I didn't think I'd have to specify "not my Dad"
And tell your penis that we can hang out tonight for sure.
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