I forgot to tell you. I'm at a porno shoot today.
we lost you for like an hour and then found you at some dive bar trying to teach dance lessons
you cried when she wouldn't let you have her bathroom rug.
its not fair. if i was a guy, i'd be getting a high five for banging two in one night.
Well last time he got out of rehab he lasted 6 hours. So 3 days this time is quite an accomplishment.
i threw up in his garden in front of like five people smoking a joint. they let me have a hit after i was done so it was okay
Am I not being subtle enough by giving him a rainbow striped bong, during PRIDE MONTH?
My boss just lit a candle and said a prayer to get laid tonight ..
Well I had to use a seat cushion at Soul Cycle today so, yeah, I'd say the sex was good
I apologize in advance for the amount of cleavage I'll be exposing your boyfriend to.
I want to sit on top of her nipple mountains and reenact the Ricola commercial.
You kept ranting how Captain Planet is getting shortchanged in the superhero department. Other than that you kept it together
Well, personally I like to keep my blackmail in well organised folders.
Hey, do you know the person who woke me up last night at 1 in the morning yelling and being carried through the courtyard?
That was me Mom...
Actually I really wish that I was drinking so I could ask him for breakup sex and then later blame it on my alcoholic tendencies. Maybe tomorrow instead.
Randomize
