Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
so i stopped by cvs on the way home this morning, turns out hallmark doesnt make an im sorry my friend puked on your friend card, call me if were still speaking
My roommate was eating ketchup out of a bowl. Get me the hell out of here.
Just a heads up: The party is Fourth of July themed. Spread the word
dude its may
Work with me here, man.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
No, this time she was diabetic. I think I fucked her into diabetic shock.
She told me she wanted to wax my ass. I'm terrified and oddly aroused.
My autobiography is now tentatively titled "I'm Fucking the DJ, and Other Ways to Party for Cheap"
He just turned 21, it's very obvious the end of their relationship is near. Now we play the waiting game.
So a sorority girl just introduced herself to me by saying "a guy I used to fuck just threw up on me" and then she grinded on me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think I should just accept my destiny that I'm going to be someone's second wife
My tits sealed my fate
I hate waking up Sunday morning and thinks "how many friends did I lose last night".... Normally it's between 1-5.
Can I borrow you for, like, thirty minutes so you can lay on one boob and rub the other until I fall asleep?
The minute he showed me his Mumford and sons tattoo is the minute i could literally feel my pussy dry up
I mean go ahead and let your freak flag fly but if you could not fly it in my bed that would be great
It's so obvious he's evil. I mean, would a non-evil person have facial hair like that?
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