its good for cellulite if you don't wear underwear. its true
im drinking this country out of the recession.
ur dog is so gonna tell on us one day.
for doing what?
for smoking bowls out on the deck while your parents aren't home.
i thought she was just hairy. i didn't know she was also a man.
the best part about watching a meteor shower at 4 am is being able to masturbate in public and drink hot chocolate at the same time.
He passed out drunk on top of me. Fully erect. Still inside me. Woke up like 1 minute later, and continued.
I came so hard I burst a blood vessel in my eye. If i cant marry this girl, I'm gonna have to switch teams.
No foreplay. Missionary. Too quick. And he owns a fedora.
I almost fell asleep reading that.
I almost fell asleep fucking it.
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
I threw up in my room. And I cleaned it up with a spatula.
Just shaved my crotch so I could call it the bald eagle. Happy 4th.
I'm taking a shower and i'm gonna bring my pocketknife with me
Have you ever looked at someone and thought…oh honey, you're too pretty for an ankle monitor
I might need to come puke in your toliet on the way home
Had a dream last night that we survived the apocalypse. And we celebrated Christmas.
What did I get you?
A 12 gauge and a bottle of vodka that was waist high.
Sounds about right
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