his internet history is a lot of porn, how to make a hovercraft and side-effects of jacking off too much
so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
i distinctly remember leaping through the apartment to rescue the clam chowder burning in the kitchen
No one intentionally makes bad decisions, just errors in judgement. You have your boyfriend I have a restraining order from universal studios. It's all relative
apparently it isn't appropriate to tell a coworker who is eating celery because it's "negative calories" that a blowjob is too
i just thought that perhaps i was done with the "boning on someone else's futon" stage of my life. guess not.
You did a line of free coke with an obese Slovenian unlicensed cab driver in the toilets of the most questionable strip club in the country. New low man.
When you put it like that, I'm inclined to agree.
remember how i yelled at you for inviting that coke dealer to the party?! i found the $100 bill they were snorting with in the couch.
..new slutty dresses or booze? i won't even waste time with the i told you so.
You don't know how badly I want to just hold you as a soup spoon holds a bisque
I have 7 papers to write and I already bought gas station ice cream in my pjs and questioned whether or not a beer float was a thing.
T minus 20 hours until we forget our names, find some city cowboys, and g&t into the night.
After my second liter of German beer, nothing D-cup or larger is safe near me.
My girl friends dad just asked how I get so drunk and then he passed out with a bloody Mary in his hand on the couch it's 230 do you know where your parents are
He hit me with his bagpipe
Isnt that against the lesbian handbook?
You turned down sex for fried cheese??
My penis and doctor won't be happy with me, but come on. Fried cheese!
Randomize
