My astrological sign? Vagitarius.
:O -> O: ... that's emoticon for "he threw up in my mouth while we were making out"
On my arm I have 12 dashes, and below is written "plus 2 pretty stout whiskey drinks, so, you be the judge"
The closest thing to a sext that you will ever receive from me is a picture of pepperonis on Greg's asscheeks, clenching.
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Don't worry, I'm preparing for tonight by lining my purse with a garbage bag.
I just came so hard I growled. Definitely found my gspot.
You know it was a weird night when you find curly fries in your purse the next morning...
I don't know how that blunt survived being in your pocket all night but you pulled it out at 4 am in 7/11 and tried to fire it up. Zero fucks given
You should never be more than a quarter of a mile from a working toilet
Preach!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When I come home and take my bra off and I'm served with a perfect grilled cheese along with a glass of wine. Priceless.
I don’t know whether to call out sick or call in drunk
lets face it, we have a liquor cabinet with a designated chocolate shelf
1 why did you tell them where i peed last night and 2 where the fuck are you
I'm actually on the verge of cancelling a booty call because I have an early meeting tomorrow. If this is what adulthood is going to be like, I'll pass.
I love you too, but sadly you're not as good at getting me out of bed as cocaine.
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