people would bow to what i just did to her vagina
We should steal a little kid and go to Chucke Cheese
Another night, another sound of my neighbor almost having an orgasm.
And she used to have such long ones. Sad.
The girl in the white might have stds. I'm strangely okay with this.
Drinking wine out of an empty soup can and watching spongebob squarepants.. I eveb hate myself
Found out it was only pneumonia. We celebrated hydrocodone cough syrup. Two long island ice teas at lunch and the random white powder we found in her purse. Mother of the year award.
I apologized for the whole SWAT team incident to the roommate.
The molly dropped while I was taking a shit. Do you have any idea how scary that is?
That does not seem like timing
Did he ask you why you were in his back yard Sunday night?
Breakfast of champions
Is that a dick crepe?
It is indeed
So maybe I got drunk and hooked up with him in a hot tub? I mean that's nothing to be ashamed of, that kind of takes talent. I'd drown.
I feel like it went downhill once I decided we should take $100 tequila shots.. oops lol
I just walked through the door and she ran up to me, hugged me, unzipped my pants and immediately started sucking my dick. Good day.
I feel like an involuntary Mother Theresa. I DON'T WANT TO BE ABSTINENT!
Ya know what's the worst? Being drunk and wanting to show someone a picture of your goddaughter but not wanting to open the pictures on your phone because the first one is of someone's dick..
Randomize
