They threw me out of the bar because I was arguing business ethics with the owner of th bar
Is it wrong that I didn't stop masterbating when the credit card company called?
did you answer or finish?
both
she's googling pictures of Freddy Mercury and whispering 'I'm ready'
I woke up to him eating cereal out of my viking helmet with a shot glass. No idea where he got the milk.
He made fire alarm noises before throwing up all over the street.
So I just tried to wake him up with a blow job and he literally touched the top of my head and said snooze button
I vaguely remember telling a bum she was worth more than this
I'm pretty sure "tag teaming" and "looking for stability" are not synonymous.
Not yet.
She's calming us down by shoving oreos in our mouths
That moment when you notice a tiny IR camera pointing at you, in your bed, at the apartment you found on Craigslist.
dude...i punched my best friend in the face, broke up with my girlfriend, and shit my pants.......now i don't know which one to take care of first.
i found waldo and immediately set him to work eating me out. please have more out of season costume parties.
I wish I were single again so I could actually have sex.
I gotta stop fucking the bouncers. We are running out of bars to go to.
i've got three words. i. was. spanked.
Randomize
