Nothing says "I love you" like a full raw dog.
My life is like the prequel to "40 Year Old Virgin"
Had a 3 sum last night, and today food just taste better and the air seems so much fresher!
she was on her period so I asked if she wanted to make ass babies
I knew something was wrong when santa got arrested
Her vagina smelled like chicken
why do you say that
chicken smells like everything
There is a mosh pit in our kitchen. You better hurry.
Omg 230 lb butch lesbian with a mustache grabbed my dick. I need an adult
I was afraid that she would smell her boyfriend's penis on my breath while we were talking.
so gross sitting on a warm chair at a restaurant..you just know a fat person was sitting there shoveling food into their face for hours.
if I was any more soft right now, my penis would be a liquid
A girl told me I was her "alcohol spirit animal" tonight. Somehow I think my whole life was secretly building up to this moment
I climbed out a window to pee last night because i thought i was locked in the room... Then crawled back in and went to bed. The poor neighbors.
Mostly what I remember is someone saying "raise your hand if you're too turnt" then raising my hand and falling
Have you ever given your heart and soul to someone and they turn out to be nothing but a great fuck that makes a mean grilled cheese because same
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