i'm trying to reconcile what i did last night with who i am as a person.
yeah i like to chase my xanax with prozac and then viagra. you're up...and then you're UP
Apparently mid blow job I started crying telling her how "Wonderful this blow job is"
you said grace in the diner. 5am, drunk, grace. you thanked the man w the mushroom cut for the wonderful supply of screwdrivers
My piss changed color midstream. Think that means I have a 50/50 chance of passing the test?
Currently coming up with judgment, the game. Works well on buses, will probably be more entertaining in bars.
I have pictures of you scratching against the sliding glass door on your knees screaming how you felt like a lamb.
Just found my bra in a bag of chips on the kayak floating about the pond. Sure sign of a good night
Just used the leftover candycorn for candycorn vodka. Our house is trying to continue the Halloween spirit for as long as possible.
We definitely need to avoid these "I'm gonna get stabbed if I stay here any longer" partys
I want "hickeys on my ass" sex
Turns out he's old enough to be my dad. I'm so excited. I've never had a sugar daddy before. What should I ask for first!? Want anything?
doctors was a success... no liver damage and I lost five pounds.. we're celebrating tonight you get the whiskey I'll get the burritos.
I probably won't go. Last time I got drunk with those guys I just started demanding people let me touch their beards.Then I mocked everyone who didn't have facial hair.
And with one simple text you can separate the men from the boys...."it's that time of the month."
Randomize
