I feel like dying is the new "adopt an african baby"
yah i'm on my way- is everything ok?
i'm holding a walmart bag of my own hot vomit that i closed up with some random chicks hair tie. we r pretty fucking far from ok
Fucking Canada. At least when they wake up tomorrow they're still in Canada
so apparently i worked out for over an hour last night. drinking is the only way i will ever get anything done
We had to leave after he was in the middle of the street yelling "Balls of Steeeeeeeeel!!"
I'm getting shit face wasted, and I have to be up so early tomorrow. I am bad at smart.
There is a 1000000% chance you'll be turned down if you try coming on to me while I watch Star Wars.
It was incredible. For as long as I live, I will gladly drop whatever I'm doing and spend a night with her face between my legs ANY time she asks.
I am decidedly straight, but I'll write it into my wedding vows if I have to.
after the fucking you spent twenty minutes vomiting naked and shaking your dick at my roommates. luckily, i don't remember that, or i'd have to be really insulted.
friends are allowed to bang on New Years, I read it on the Internet somewhere.
Let's get the cat blown out
I appreciate your acceptance of my lack of morals
The moment you tore my shirt off I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you
Sorry you ended up in detox. It's not my fault you decided to walk downtown in only your underwater at 3am. I think the tequila took over.
Dude whoeverrs house this is has only creeam cheese and beer in the fridge. Thats my kinda diet
Randomize
