Only in college do people pre-game a meteor shower
so explain to me why i woke up in jail this morning
because you opened a jar or pickles and a bag of fritos and layed down in the middle of aisle 7 while singing 'la cucaracha'
no more ever clear
you are the best fuck buddy i could have, all the others get feelings and morals involved
at least he left the skimmer on the side of the pool so i could fish out my thong in the morning
my fake id says im a 34 yr old russian lady ... how is this working
I just couldn't help myself when there was a FOUNTAIN OF SHOTS
That's so unfortunate for him bc you can always find another penis, but he's stuck with it
You gave me balls I gave you half a boob. Fair trade
I told him he was a man of science and that he should conduct experiments on my tits to see how they stay up. I need you to hold onto my larynx when I'm drunk.
STDs are my biggest fear, besides whales. They're so fucking big.
Would it be weird if your parents sold me weed?
I think cutting a patient out of a owl costume is a first for those guys. It's a good story at least.
Showed up physical therapy hammered. The therapist just says this isnt part of the program.
It turned from Netflix and chill to cringeworthy YouTube videos and chill. At least he's honest.
BUT YOU GOTTA TASTE THE RAINBOW!!
That's what Skittles are for!
Randomize
