All I remember about walking back home was that I maced my shadow.
She's coming to town, taking me to a Suns Game, wants Anal, and knows we're not going to date, I imagine this is what heaven is like
You opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a wall last night.
there was 12 of us, girls included, shirtless and wielding swords as we bet on rock paper scissors in the middle of the bar. It was like Cinco de Mayo version of the Deer Hunter
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Every time I try to stand up the back of my head feels like a bunch of little elves are beating the inside of my scalp with their toy making tools. What disease could this be?
CONGRATULATIONS! You have won: pictures of my nipples!
Yeah.. I'm sorry I broke your phone. But in my defense you handed me the frying pan.
But I'll just tell people it was a bar fight... Sounds a lot better than "well I was drunk and alone and eating Special K naked in my bed"
I have a boner in one of my pics with her which no one noticed.
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Also, there's a guy walking around the kitchen in a shark onzie, and he just asked if we've ever smoked weed with a shark before. I'm dying
Tonight I'm getting fucked up for America because Lord knows we need it.
he's spending the night tonight. if i can walk straight tomorrow i'll be pissed.
I feel like he doesn't realize we're offering him a threeway with sisters and I don't understand how that's possible.
Maybe we should bring mom next time.
Guuuuurrrrrl! He ate the 🌮like it contained the Covid-19 vaccine!
if I start to respond to these political texts with a middle finger emoji - do you think they will get the hint?
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