So you refered to him as "monster dick"...not so much
Can you believe The 5th Element didn't get best fight scene in 1997?! I'm still bitter. 12 years later.
Haha how do you remember that?
HOW COULD I FORGET?!
Just passed an anti-circumcision dude with a sign. Handing-out-bibles guy has been officially one-upped.
you tried to arm wrestle for the title of "mom's favorite son"
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my cabbie only has one arm...this can't be safe
suddenly, hermaphrodite night sounds like a really bad idea
I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
She looked at it and said "your dick is like the golden gate bridge."
Did you guys have sex yet? And don't worry, I broke the ice already by sending this to both of you. So you can just jump right into it. You're welcome.
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So I saw the nuva ring just lying on the counter at Planned Parenthood...did u know it's just a ring? I could go to the Dollar tree buy a plastic bracelet and shove it up there instead.
You do that. Then go have lots of unprotected with your harem of booty calls and see how that works out for you.
Know of anyone who would be interested in trading weed for meatballs?
Yea dude. I'm gonna be the life of the party. THIS BITCH GETS DRUNK BY HERSELF
Decided to smoke a bowl in my closet while my parents are gone. Just sat in the closet because I couldn't remember how to get out. Started panicking cuz I thought they were gonna show up... Checked my phone. It's been 4 minutes.
How'd things go with that guy last night?
He threw up in the consol in my car then started crying about his ex girlfriend.
APPARENTLY I MISSED SOMEONE SWALLOWING A WHOLE BAG OF METH WHILE I WAS ON BREAK.
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