yes, too bad my tears were being wiped away by tits in my face
How the hell can the Olympic committee frown so much on weed and yet put on a show you would have to be high to actually enjoy?
Yeah he gave the rest of the brownies to the bouncer that took his fake
DON'T LET IAN EAT HIS PEANUT BUTTER!!!
Just remembered that I poured a whole bottle of tylenol in there. It's chunky. It's deadly.
Just made macaroni burritos. Fukkin awesome. We'll have to try this when I'm sober.,!
Just be happy that you're the pretty friend. Otherwise you would have had to walk home alone, like me.
I'm at the hospital waiting for my sister to push out her kid. I think I'll roam the halls and shame all the teenage mothers.
Today wasn't Sunday Funday, it was more like Sunday god is taking a shit on my life day
Doc gave me something stronger than Xanax. The pills have your last name imprinted on them. This cannot be coincidence.
You said you liked how I put the cream cheese on.
oh and apparently my boobs are named "have no fear" and "plenty o'beer"
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
I dropped my pants and she just stared until she asked how is that even possible? Best night ever lmao
You ran up a $300 bar bill on his card and he didn't have you arrested, be grateful and move on.
I miss all the tiny banana hammocks... When can I go back to ogling? I can do it from a lot farther than six feet without any complaints.
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