he was wearing sponge bob boxers. Guess how long he lasted.
At least he could have found a MILF, she's a dbl bagger. No wonder he goes to counseling.
Yeah..you can't spell Prozac without Zac(h).
Best friends brother. Beat that.
just got booed by the entire restaurant.
He had me saved in his phone as "Dick Socket". Lets see if I ever fuck him in a bathroom again.
and then you looked me right in the eyes and said "i just really wanna pet some horses right now"
You told them that the brownies were safe, and then pointed to a passed out Ryan and said "see?"
I was about to smoke a bunch of weed and lay naked while I cried all day
he used the hotel microwave to cook the 16" pizza he bought at the walmart deli
He used a "food city great value" card to cut it
Sorry about coming to the pool in only a thong. I thought you said it was closed. Not that you were teaching a group of kids how to swim.
Haha! You know I mean that in a positive way. Like, "let them eat cake!" Or in our case, "let them achieve obesity from the two entree plate at Panda Express!"
Imagine the quality of nudes you could send with a selfie stick
I just used a box o wine to refill a bottle o wine to more effectively drunk clean
Last night I had a dream that I changed my last name to Vodka. what does that say about my life?
Dear Douchebag, I would just like to formally issue this fuck you. You will be receiving a letter in the mail soon. With all of your stuff.
Randomize
