Now that the fun of having an iPhone has worn off I find that using screen as a coke tray is by far my favorite app
it's kind of nice to have a picture of me making out with someone and actually know who it is for once
You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
Hahaha you puked all over his shirt.
You puked in the planter and everyone saw your snatch.
Well someones bitter they didn't get any.
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We found a stripper pole in your closet. It seemed like a good idea. Alex will fix the hole in your wall. Sorry.
Penises. Penises everywhereeeeeeeee. Penis ratio is sooo disproportionate. I can't NOT get laid tonight.
Hundreds of bug bites..Dad jokingly says "looks like you passed out naked in the woods somewhere"
About to trim my pubes so if you decide to walk in, viewer discretion is advised.
She was throwing my stuff away and then before I knew it she was sucking my dick. It was like some fucked up sour patch kids commercial
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Met Dan at the park for lunch and the guy parked next to us was getting a BJ the entire time. Way to make me feel like an inadequate girlfriend, random park skank. All Dan got was a double cheeseburger and a large iced tea...
in other news, i feel like i just shat out all my sins.
Strip clubs just aren't as fun when a man tries to drunkenly grind on you.
but there's so much I wanna do before I have kids. like die
Like we just had a bunch of sex and then he threaded my eyebrows in bed lol. It was amazing
I just peed on a rich man's lawn fuck yeah America
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