i was looking up hair salons in ithaca for the wedding and one is a hair salon/ sake bar! you can have sake or champagne while you get your hair done!
question, how would one sake-bomb while getting hair done without getting a horrible haircut?
its been so long since i'vebeen laid i've forgotten what a penis looks like. When a guy makes me hot i picture him finishing the job by whipping a multi-setting showerhead out of his pants.
You act like I'm the first person to try and hook up with a blind chick.
We made out while a LIT cigarette dangled out of the side of his mouth. Disturbing or slightly erotic?
At what point during this road trip should I let them know I've been drinking in the backseat the whole time and can't take my turn driving?
All I want to do on Facebook today is comment on people I knew in high schools profile pictures and tell them how much uglier they are now.
HE GAVE ME ONE OF HIS BEERS.
YOU'RE THE CHOSEN ONE.
There's no winning that game with me. It's either "Can I walk home at the end of the night," or "am I throwing up trying to sleep in the front yard." Rules are irrelevant.
I just ran your car into a ups truck....but on a up note I have a handle of fireball and breakfast burritos
I have no idea why my husband is mad that I came home at 4 am & all I want to do is eat spaghettios. It's not fucking spaghettios fault.
I'm gonna have to get a lube sherpa.
I can see their wedding vows now: 'Til basicness do us part
Bottom line; if I'm coming out of my bat cave to do the dishes and get a chicken wing and I have no pants or makeup on and my messy bun looks more like Santa got leprosy and crashed his sled into the back of my head then let me be. That's all I'm saying.
Wait you actually sent a text to your self saying “love you I miss you"?
So drinking that old rum that I found in the ceiling of my dorm was prob not my best idea. But good news: my puke was so colorful b/c of all the skittles i ate
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