So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
HE had a tribal tattoo tramp stamp, jasmine.
i woke up with a grocery list signed by "the people who ate all your shit while you were passed out"
Look I'm sorry I shaved your cat, but get over it.
i knew it was time to leave when he woke me up only wearing pooh bear oven mitts and holding a plate of thank you pancakes
well the hot one passed out so thats that, but then the fat one made chicken nuggets....totally worth it
Nope, sorry. Already took my bra off. All down hill from here. My next act will be crying, singing, and eating girl scout cookies in the shower. You can come watch the shit show though.
Whatever. I'll just fuck him now and deal with the clingyness later.
I will pre answer that I did not see it the fun way. He was peeing outside.
Should I feel guilty that my husband is cheating on his girlfriend with me? I mean, we're not divorced yet so I still have dibs, right?
one renamed every person in my phone 'I lpvw tewqils', so it would really help me out if you could text me your name. Happy sunday!
It's hard to hold down the snapchat button for video while thrusting. Sorry if the cinematography wasn't Oscar-worthy.
Yeah. I don't know. I'm just gonna show up at her place on valentines day with a jock strap, box of chocolates, and rose clenched between my ass cheeks with "be mine" written across my glorious man titties.
Left Las Vegas at 2:30 am, woke up at 11 AM at a Barstow gas station with the Valet from Ceaser' palace snoring in the backseat and no memory of how we got there. I felt like Raoul Fucjing Duke right then and there.
I apparently ooze single. The second I left his house after break up sex five of my old booty calls text me
Randomize
