Why does Jon Cryer have a career?
That is a good question.
Apparently oprah and I were in competition to see who's ass could get bigger this summer
you came back at 4am in a suit jacket and a half eaten burrito...
It's official. Every single female in their late teens and early 20s get their fb statuses from a pool of cliched "quotes" which all say, without saying, "boys treat me like shit, I know they do, but one day I'll find 'the guy' who will treat me right no matter how psychotic I am." Vom.
He introduced me to his parents as the girl he made out with on Thursday night...
Apparently "he pulled out..mostly" is not a valid reason for thinking there's no way i can be pregnant to the nurses at the student health center.
We probably shouldn't have forced that guys cat to drink the grey goose while we were doing lines in his bathroom
Please tell me your aunt didn't see the Brita pitcher full of condom wrappers. We had at least 100.
jake and the teradactyl broke up, operation get high and find him a new girl who hasn't had sexual experiences with three delts simultaniously is in full effect.
Look bro I'll go half per boob with you, we split her.
You know I'm dangerous when I have make-out withdrawals
but there's so much I wanna do before I have kids. like die
Trying to stay sober at a family function but hiccuping so fucking loud. "Have you been drinking?" I hit on my cousin so yeah. I have been drinking.
Oh damn it. Let me get a beer. I can't take anymore bad news. Hold on.
In California. Through an entire game + OT. That’s a long time to have an octopus in your pants.
Randomize
