No, I was feeling sad because all of the other girls were like model-skinny. But then I remembered that I had big boobs and went to hit on their boyfriends.
Interesting preview of what next year will be like. Side note, missing a chunk of flesh from my middle finger.
First Thanksgiving as a grown up: My step dad had to take my brother (who still smells like booze) and I both to our cars this morning, apparently we were at the same bars (same stamps), & I think I broke my elbow. Im thankful to be alive & not incarcerated.
I called him and he said hell call me back hes in the middle of his kareokee song he was out by himself and his dog
You know what it feels like? It feels like I'm in that prison from the dark knight rises. That's what being a virgin in college feels like.
However today I got my lube that might I add was dripping out of the box. I'd like to think my mailman was mixing business with pleasure.
Ok get your liver ready for the weekend. Harry Potter Drinking Game Marathon is a go. BYO liquor of choice, rule cards at the door. I wanna see some Hagrid level drinking out of you, Muggle.
She looks well worn, presumably from a cavalcade of penis.
I think the worst part about being a real adult is 1)having a high stress job that makes me want to get stoned 2)paying for reefer using my own money 3)realizing my boyfriends children probably have more weed connections than I do anymore
Still trying to figure out where I was when someone broke the lawn chair and put it in the bathroom.
I didn't pop out of a cake in a speedo with diagrams
In case that's what u were picturing
Does anyone remember last night? Because I still don't know why I now own a goldfish and a ceiling fan made of pizza?
My favorite part was when you kept telling everyone you were being "green" by drinking straight out of the bottle so u weren't wasting a cup.
I hate her so much I want to fuck her boyfriend.
I have had my dick inside of entirely too many people at this wedding in order for me to be the groom. Please give me a swift kick in the dick to wake me up from this nightmare
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