Haha so apparently that girl last thought I was you the whole time, and in the morning realized you weren't the one she fucked. Thanks for your help.
remember what we learned. dont lure girls w/ food at the bar. u dont want those ones
i can barely afford taco bell don't think a baby is in the budget
you were sleeping on the floor, then you woke up and told me you were not comfy enough. You took the carpet in the bathroom put it in the bath and you slept there.
These eggs taste like chocolate chip cookies. This is the best hangover ever.
me neither. i remember bell pepper tequila but not why or yelling
Hahaha, I forgot about doing shots out of the bell pepper
Listen, it's not like I meant to bust the window out. It just sort of happened. And I'm also sorry for stealing your dads bandanas.
As the guy I'm having sex with on the side I shouldn't ask you how to dump my boyfriend. But you are the most emotionally detached person I know.
PAAAANTS ARE FOR AAAASSHOLES
So, seriously. How does it feel to know that you're riding a cock that was in kindergarten when you were going to prom?
Afternoon delight is playing while I take a shit at mcdonalds
I'm so festive that I used my jack o lantern bucket as a just in case barf bin
U were so upset when the shower ruined ur nachos. I didn't kno what to do.
You'll be pleased to know I just had an elaborate day dream about your penis. you were there too.
Aiming to get laid tonight but if it falls thru I'm either gonna make a mixtape for my sugar daddy or sew a teddy bear for his newborn
Randomize
