I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
what are you wearing?
Just my guilt
If my boyfriend wants to eat his own jizz after masturbating, what does that make him?
can you pick up eggs and chocolate sauce on your way home?
what kind of party is this?
the best kind ever
I'm way too horny to be at work right now. I think it might be legally irresponsible to leave me alone with cucumbers.
When we were done making out, some guy ran into the room yelling, "I'll save you Brandon! I'll save you!"
I've got 2 dollars. How do I turn this into alcohol?
I would have gladly let him decapitate me with the way he was biting on my neck.
I'm not sure drinking my way through west nile virus is the best idea. Oh well, already committed to that plan.
jake and the teradactyl broke up, operation get high and find him a new girl who hasn't had sexual experiences with three delts simultaniously is in full effect.
YOU'RE CHANGING THE SUBJECT. I CAN BLOW SOMETHING UP OR I CAN TELL HIM YOU LOVE HIM, BUT ONE OF THE TWO IS BOUND TO HAPPEN
i was sitting in the back of a squad car completely stoned watching airplanes take off
…wtf were in those pills mom gave me
We have had more Sex in the past 48 hours then we have in the past 3 months. I think it was from me dressing up as Darth Vader.
I didn't even get crazy off of the coke so everything's fine. Also, I think I might have killed my aunt's dog..
Randomize
