Did you go home with that guy without me?
Sorry boo - it's pouring and I found a boy with a car
my dad told me i had to spend my money wisely..so i spent the money he gave me for a desk chair on weed. ill be so high i wont even notice its gone
he bonged a 1/5 of jack and came back an hour later blacked out with a legitimate chicago firemans helmet
He proposed that we "bone". I've completely given up on boys.
I don't think anyone could emotionally handle a numb vagina.
Question. Will thrown up fruit loops go down the shower drain?
The key to alley sex is drunkeness.
We kept trying to bring you to the hospital but you had a tantrum and kept saying you would never be Miss America
I have to stop envisioning penises as dragons.
BTW, you ever shave a dick into my dog, I'll cut you. I'll laugh first, but then I'll cut you
Found some boxer briefs on my patio table this morning surrounded by a case worth of empties. Starting to remember why I have rugburn and a sore asshole.
I wore sunglasses to take a shower. I might be hungover.
Was it you I was with where I saw a guy open a beer with his butt?
He finger blasted me like an angel dude
there is puke in my bra ... again
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