First, he can't make me cum.. And now, he can't get it up because he LOVES me?!!??! i don't think so.
Come put a leash on your gf. She just challenged 8 cops to a wrestling match for 'tag team champion of the world'
where are my pants?
you were passing out with two blankets and the person next to you was cold so you gave him your pants to keep warm
I'm making a conscious effort to limit my spending at the bars...i wrote "FOR CAB ONLY" on a $20 last night
I think forcing your little sister to drink with you on a Wednesday when she has school the next day is the low point of alcoholism.
well i had to explain to their mom why the kids i babysit for won't stop repeating the phrase "nice juicy guido"
Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
It was really weird walking into a CVS and not going straight to the pharmacy for plan B.
Could be my worst decision since the whole 'third degree burn' fiasco.
Also we saw a clown getting arrested. Rochester is weird.
I sincerely thought making it to McDonalds by 10:00am was a shoe-in but it appears that I need to adjust my zoom when looking at the map before walking to places.
So I saw her today...and it was weird...she is just like not pregnant anymore.
Dude...how high are you? of course she isnt pregnant anymore...thats what happens when you give birth
I want to fuck the side burns off of Steve.
One eye has cum in it and the other has sunscreen
summertime
He fucked me over, so I'm going to do what any rational woman does. I'm going to get really high and have sex with his brother.
Randomize
