First rule of pills: If you can't remember what it is, take half.
I can't belive they dont sell booze Sunday mornings. I mean some of us have to work
I have big tits. Rules don't apply to me.
Hypothetical question: If I threw up in the dishwasher do I clean it up or just turn it on? :(
There is literally a guy in my class with a gallon of water and a trophy.
Oh shut up man. Once the police get involved its every man for themself.
But in the grand scheme of things, "should i bang a hot roommate or a sexy giant" is really not a bad lot in life
Did he seem like the type of guy that would maybe take weed as payment?
I threw up in the kitchen on the floor and a guy tried cleaning it up with a spoon at a party.
One of the annoying girls in my 7 AM class showed up drunk for her 21st birthday and just auctioned off her fake ID.
oh. oh my god. i just had lunch with my mom with semen still on my face.
His crazy is a thing to be cherished
If my life today were a movie the subtitle would be: Revenge of the Beer Shits
I felt like I crashed a wedding. Everyone was dressed so nice and I was covered in actual dirt and a little blood.
What did you do with the dog when you went into the club?
coat checked
Randomize
