Hi, my name's audrey!
Max?
Sorry, this girl is phone-stealing drunk.
the owner gave me a free bottle of vodka and a 12pack of red bull if i agreed to leave. my drunken antics are finally paying off.
.....woke up with a tube of cinnamon buns in my pocket, i miss you
We're gonna take a moment of silence to pray... that his penis is as pretty and as talented as his brothers.
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Also, if you all get arrested i'm coming to laugh at you because i don't have the money for bail.
But seriously who drew a dick on a tortilla and nailed it to the door?
I'll remember. Also, I owe you 200 for a pair of shoes that I carelessly bought to improve my spinal structure, to improve my health and ensure that I love to be 300 years old. Like Adam. Of the bible.
Sometimes I get in situations where I realize they think I'm smarter than I am and then it's just one more thing I have to fake.
I'm about to be a big disappointment.
Random pof guy just messaged me initiating a Pokemon battle. Want to be a bridesmaid?
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My legacy here is being that tiny blonde girl that threw someone down and shouted "Fuck your face, I'm Dee Dee Ramone."
Nothing makes me prouder to be liberal and socialist than the idea of desecrating the memory of Ronald Reagan
Its my nipple ring piercing anniversary. We need to celebrate.
While we were doing it he looked up at me and said "Does your husband fuck you this good?" Talk about a mood killer....
well I ran around the park drunk with a plastic baby and fell, all while screaming "I WILL PROTECT YOU CARLOS", yeah there's video
You just sent a mass text asking if anyone ever drank the blood of a goat in the glorious name of Satan...after that we confiscated any writing utensil
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