Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
And. No one ejaculated on anyones face. This is all wrong
I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! Live in the flesh!
Last night when I was hammered I set a reminder to tell you that your boobs are my favorite ones in the world, so this is me giving you that message.
she actually told me to ignore the cokeheads in the corner with knives.
After you took the handle off the bathroom door I had to coach the Scottish guy sitting on the toilet, throwing up in his own lap, how to put his pants back on. Yes, I think he won the drinking game.
It was just a friend comforting a friend. Except his penis was inside of me.
I'm very fluent in vodka, but that seems to be a whiskey dialect.
And your cousins porn shouldn't have been the first straight porn you watched. And for that I am sorry
I legitimately had a champagne shower last night at a rave. I was also carrying around two bananas in my pockets like guns. Drunk doesn't even. Begin to explain My night.
we were playing waterfall, then strip waterfall, then we were just listening to music, drinking, and slowly becoming more naked
It turns out my English teacher used to pose for Playboy. She's an inspiration.
Tomorrow is my favorite texting day of the year... It's where I send every guy I've had sex with this past year a text saying "happy not a Father's Day" and we laugh and I get so much dick it's wonderful.
I just found a ladybug shell in my underwear. What was I doing last night?
Newest quarantine problem - I’ve watched all of the porn. Like everything on the the internet, all the DVDs, mags, VR, leisure suit Larry all of it and I’m still horny af
Randomize